So Close, Yet So Far

It’s been a long time since I enlisted; since I posted on this blog. If I were to trace my life through BMT, Service Term and Pro Term, I would need hours to note down the ups and downs of what I’ve been through. There was so much to endure, so much to look forward to, so much to learn. And now, closure is eminent. In less than a month, I will be stepping across the boundary from a life of tough training to one of responsibility and realism. It is time.

As I come closer to crossing the line and getting my chocolate bar, I increasingly feel a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction at having survived and emerging a stronger person. And yet, at the same time, I have come to the realisation of how much I have sacrificed in this arduous pursuit. I feel that I’ve drifted further away from God. The lack of personal time as well as the long overseas trips translated into less (if any at all) time for prayer and reflection. Also, I’ve spent less time with my family and friends. Short book-outs and exhausting training meant that I rested most of my weekends away, apart from the movies and meals with them.

I look forward to life after commissioning. I cannot wait to enter unit life and continue my learning process. The learning curve will be steep, but it will be fulfilling and fun. I anticipate more freedom to spend time with God, my family and friends.

I’ll have to start replacing what I’ve lost.

Mid-Year Revision

6 months and 10 days since I enlisted.

Time to review my aims:

1) I have become fitter (and fatter after block leave)

2) I’m in OCS (and have survived more than half of it)

3) Definitely De-stressed (Stress has taken on a different form)

4) Have not learnt driving

5) Have not taken the CFA course

My Revised Aims:

1) Commission as an effective 2LT

2) Continue to keep fit

3) Speed up my University Application process

4) Learn Driving

Adaptability and foresight.

A New Year

Into National Service.

The next two years of my life will be in NS. All I want to do is make full use of it, and do my best.

My Aims:

1) Become fitter

2) OCS

3) De-stress from not being a full-time student

4) Learn Driving

5) Take the CFA course (If time permits)

Maybe it is just better this way, to just let nature take its course..

She's Left This World

The day after Popo passed away.

I hope she left with no regrets, and I am sure she is sitting in heaven right now watching over us.

Memories of time spent with her will always stay with me.

1) As a small boy, I remember her driving me around Sabah in her small red Honda, either to visit shopping malls or to buy groceries. It was just cool to have a Grandmother who drives.

2) I will always remember her as a formidable chef. Whenever we were in Sabah she would cook up delicious meals of boiled chicken (plus the oyster sauce), chicken herb soup and lots and lots of beef and chicken balls. For tea-break, her boiled corn with butter was just delicious. Her home-made prawn crackers needs to be mentioned as well.

3) Conversations were always spiced up by her. When I was younger and unable to understand much, I would sit in the car with my family on road trips in Sabah. Conversations would be peppered with her comments, which I didn’t understand, but since they were almost always followed by unanimous laughter from the rest of the adults in the car (which would be my dad, mum, Gong Gong and uncle), I knew she had an original sense of humor.

4) She always liked and appreciated new and interesting foods. And she would not hesitate to show her liking for nice dishes. Whenever we tried our new restaurants she would be the most curious to sample the dishes.

5) She would be the most caring person, sometimes to a point of excessive worry. But that made her a very personal and the warmth she showed will perhaps be the most lasting memory of her. (Even the vegetable seller she buys her groceries from came for her wake)

At this point I don’t have the full story of how she left this world, but I know that it was as sudden as it was unexpected. I must admit I had expected her to live to see my wedding.

I know that some things in life are inevitable, and I will embrace this with the knowledge that I managed to hug her before she left for Sabah a month ago. Gong Gong and Popo were going back to Sabah via Johor, so they were taking a hired private transport. It was just before my A’Levels and I was busy studying, but I’m glad I chose to take that short 10 mins to send them down. Hugging her and staying on to wave her car off, little did I know that would be the last time I see her. I wish I had taken even more time out to take them for lunch at Din Tai Fung or Crystal Jade (she loves the fried pig intestines there. But if we live our life regretting the many 'little did we know's, we would be seriously overwhelmed.

For now, I’ll just give all the support I can to Gong Gong who must be devastated to lose his life companion. I pray he will, with God’s guidance, manage to move on.

To my dearest Popo, I hope you are now in the most peaceful and comfortable place, surrounded by nothing but pure happiness. You will always be in my heart and I’m fortunate to have spent 18 years of my life with you around.

It's time to officially close this blog. Not that I have been updating it a lot.

I started this blog 3 years ago, and 40 posts later (that averages out to be only one post a month), I finally admit it is time-consuming to maintain a blog. Will I still continue to post? Well, maybe, if something I really want to post comes to mind. But for now, lets assume this is the final post.


Hopes, aspirations and dreams.

Mistakes, regrets and disillusionment.

Achievements and failures.


All part of Life's Journey.

I sometimes wonder if there were happier moments in my life. And I ask myself why. Is it because I was more carefree? Less busy? Or simply just ignorant? I look at my baby photos, and I realise, happiness has nothing to do with what's going on in your life.

Rather, it is more about being aware of everything there is to be happy with. And if we genuinely seek that awareness, then it is impossible to say you cannot find anything to be happy about.

Smile:)

Haven't posted in a very, very long time.

As I read my previous post, I realise I haven't posted about Cambodia, and everything after that. Life has been quite fast-paced since then. I suppose I'll just keep my Cambodia reflections offline. I'll definitely want to go again this year if its possible!

Orientation was the best start to the year.
Ivanhoe rocks :P
Especially all you Ivanhoe OGLs.

But now orientation's long over. Its time to shift focus to studying.

A'levels' not too far away.

Watched Dead Poets Society during GP class a few weeks back, and the cliched phrase 'Carpe Diem' still sticks in my head.

Carpe Diem.
Seize the day.

Unpredictable

Unpredictable

I'm back from Cambodia! After a 3 hour flight delay we finally touched down at 2.35am and waited at the McDonald's Terminal 2 while waiting for public transport systems to start. I reached home at around 7.30am and have been sleeping ever since even though I still feel exhausted.

Cambodia has been an enriching and touching experience. I will never forget the delightful and carefree faces of the children in HVPV which shimmer with innocence. They are inspirational.

I'll elaborate more when I have the time and after we compile the photos tomorrow so I can refer to them while blogging about Cambodia.

I could sense something was wrong this morning when my mum came down to pay for the taxi for me. Maybe it was the fact that she wasn't at work. I found out that I won't be having another brother or sister after all. Heartbeat stopped. And my mum went for surgery on Wed.

Many things in life are often unpredictable. But this is an outcome I would never have expected.